Louise
You don't know me. But then you don't know Phil either - not really. If you did, you'd know that I existed, and why I existed in his life - and by extension, in yours.
I am Phil's lover. I have been, for a while now. Exactly how long you don't need to know. Trying to pin it on incidents or other people won't help you to understand Phil any better, or why he feels a need for a lover when he already has a wife.
Perhaps you've forgotten who Phil is, so caught up as you are with seeing him as your husband, that convenient if slightly irritating presence around the house who fixes things, lifts kids, takes you places and brings in money. You see a role, you no longer see a person.
You see him as obsessed with work - staying late at the office, forever on his computer at home. You don't know that his late evenings at work are spent with me, his computer sessions are chats, mail or virtual sex with me, when he's trapped at home and we can't be together.
You see him out a lot with his friends, escaping the confines of home and family - which you tolerate as "giving him space". You don't see the cover they provide - a quick beer with John so that no one need lie, before he heads out to me.
You see him as boring. What you should be seeing, is bored.
Phil is a great guy. A charming and thoughtful companion, delightful to be with. An entertaining conversationalist, whose quick mind and lively manner make every interaction enjoyable and engaging. A skilled and considerate lover, whose touch and attention and response bring out the fire in me. When did you last listen to Phil, enjoy his body, or delight in his company?
Have you ever? Phil tells me how wonderful it is to spend time with me, how proud he is to be seen with me and much he values my wanting to be with him. Is this because you take him for granted? He tells me how much he enjoys talking to me, the range of things we discuss, and how interested I am in so many things. Is this because that passes your lips is a litany of complaint, an interminable string of demands and a repeated cycle of small-minded minutiae of domestic trivia? Phil thrills in our lovemaking - he's never had sex so good, never had a lover as desirable and desirous as me, never knew such things could be possible. Is this because sex is something you tolerate, barely and infrequently, with undisguised resentment? Or do you see your behaviour as entirely incidental, not related in any way to the pleasure Phil draws from me?
One day you might find out about me - perhaps even from Phil himself. You will probably experience a mix of reactions - anger, disappointment, hurt - and you will likely have many questions. But perhaps the question you need to ask is: why did you care so little - about Phil, about your relationship - to allow yourself to stop caring, stop trying, stop loving? Was he not worth it? Or, were you not worthy of him?
Married Sex
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Married sex is supposed to be boring - vanilla, low frequency, hidden and
low key.
And when it's not?
It's an awkward subject. At our age, most couples h...
2 months ago
19 comments:
This is so sad! You ("the other woman")seem to feel you know so much about Louise (I hope it's not her real name!) and, yet, where do you get your information from? Phil, perhaps? Would he really tell you that Louise is a wonderful partner and that the only reason he's with you is because he's a slimeball who prefers to be an absentee parent so that he can spend time with a lover. What a hero!
Even if he's the greatest man in the world perhaps it's time that you ask yourself why you want to be "the other woman". Perhaps you'd be honest enough to share the answer with the world in the same way you've chosen to publicly shame a woman who has done nothing to you and yet you choose to criticise and ridicule her.
Finding a married lover is probably the easiest thing in the world. ANY WOMAN spending 30mins in ANY PUB on ANY DAY of the week will have more offers than she'd know what to do with. There are many single woman (myself included) who choose NOT to become "the other woman" OUT OF RESPECT FOR WOMEN!!!
Are you honest enough to approve this comment?????
Marie
I dont want to preach, but what you are doing is wrong.
He is one with his wife in God's eyes and will never ever be yours. With the help of God they can sort out their problems.
Please let him be!
...You ("the other woman")seem to feel you know so much about Louise (I hope it's not her real name!) and, yet, where do you get your information from? Phil, perhaps? Would he really tell you...
All names have been changed.
Information always comes from multiple sources, certainly including "Phil", but less from what he said than from what he didn't say. He was never anything but respectful in what he said about "Louise" - or about anyone else.
...perhaps it's time that you ask yourself why you want to be "the other woman". Perhaps you'd be honest enough to share the answer with the world in the same way...
I have done. Read the other posts on this blog.
"Let him be"
Let him be what - unhappy? It's his choice. Noone is forcing him to have an affair.
I disagree with the first post; whilst I do think that what TOW is doing is slightly wrong in some respects I don't think God has anything to do with solving the married couples problems. They might be so far gone and absorbed in their own lives by now that the relationship is beyond repair - it does happen sometimes. Just because you're married doesn't mean it has to be forever.
I do however think that TOW critiscism of the wife is very harsh - sometimes people do get wrapped up in their own lives. The husband obviously is otherwise he wouldn't be with you. Does he still think of her as anything else other than The Wife and the person who is around in the house from day to day? There are always two sides to a story and he has obviously lost a lot of respect for his wife if he is cheating on her so it is unfair to say that it is ALL her fault.
I am the wife of the man you maybe sleeping with. Yes I know. The two of you may think I don't, but a wife knows...... I know he has two cellphones. I have read some of your messages to each other. You see he is not even always that careful in hiding the fact. I have your number saved on my phone, waiting for my chance to confront you.
I have thought of many ways confront the situation. I have finally decided that I need to give you enough rope and you will hang yourself. Then I will have the last laugh. It may take time, but it will happen.
I know I have not always been the perfect wife, but he has not always been the perfect husband either. I gave up my dreams and his dreams became our dreams, right or wrong I thought it was the best thing to do at the time. Now, I think different about it. Yes, I was very young when I married him. Yes, I have changed over the last few years. One would thought that we would grow together, but no. We chose to start living seperate lives. One day I woke up and realised that we havn't even touched each other for months, even though we slept in the same bed almost every night. Making love is like work for him. He claims erectile disfunction, I know it is just his excuse. I see his hardon when he comes to bed from his chats to you on the internet.
His business trips got more frequent and longer and that actually suited me. I could build my own career and do my own thing, while he did his. When he is at home, he has many late nights. Some he disguise as work, some as work functions that come up at the last minute (how stupid does he think I am?), sometimes he just stays away. Comes up with some unbelieveable story the next day.
Now it's like I'm stuck in this nightmare. I have thought of leaving him many many times, but where will I go, what will I do, we have been together for most of my adult life. To tell you the truth if he wanted to leave me he also had plenty of opportunity, but he didn't.
As I said before, I'm waiting for that rope to pull tight. Yes, he may move on to the next lover. I am also not sure what I will do when the rope gets to its end. All I know that it could have been you. Have your fun. Your day will come, the wheel turns, slowly, but it turns. Enjoy him while it lasts..............
Remeber you are both living the dream. That kind of fades away when life comes in the way. When there is chores to be done, family matters to attend to, difference of opinions on the colour of the curtains and normal day to day stuff that comes in they way.
The stupid wife
I'm with you girlfriend!
I don't think mine has actually "physically" crossed the line yet, but their "nasty-sexy-In Depth" text messages and constant phone calls are almost just as bad!
Something the "lesser women" out there might think about is...If he is cheating WITH YOU, how many others has he cheated with? Would you really be okay with it if the tables were turned and he is cheating on YOU? You really think you are the One And Only For Him? Now i'm laughing hysterically!!!
If being the other woman and having the ability to destroy someones life in one moment is what you thrive off of. It will be you who will carry this cross till you meet your maker. You should read my story and feel my pain!!!
I read your story, and it's f**ked up how you're acting. How you try to justify what you're doing. I've been the one being cheated on, and I did absolutely nothing wrong. I never stopped showing affection, never once did I "bore" him (like you say), he still chose to stray - and for that, I hate him, but I know I can forgive .. but her! To intentionally wanting to hurt another WOMAN, you lack morals, character and conscience. Think about how she feels, put yourself in her shoes! Would you want to be the one being cheated on? you need to picture her pain, you need to imagine her tears.
I read somewhere that people who choose to be the other woman are sociopaths. In the sense that they lack conscience, they have no normal values or morals. Because, how on EARTH could someone choose to hurt another person!?!?
And another thing, I know this blog was written a long time ago - but Karma is a bitch and it will bite you in your ass someday ..
Just stop, remove yourself from the situation ...
I never thought that I would ever be TOW. To the last commentor, it has nothing to do with lacking morals. You just have to walk a mile in a person's shoes in order to cast judgment.
My MM is in a volatile marriage. I can relate to some of the stories written on this blog because his wife looks at him like his role is to provide money while she blows it on drugs. I know this information from people surrounding them. At the time I met him, he had moved out of the house from her and was separated, and I was unhappy in a relationship at the time. My MM ended up trying to make things work with his wife, and he went back home a few months later, to promises that she would get help. A year later, she never received that help, and she's only bringing him down and beating him up.
He recently turned to me, as I turned to him as my relationship ended.
The truth of the matter is that people will stray if they are not happy. I've been cheated on countless times, but never once did I lay blame on the woman...it is the man who act...ultimately if it wasn't one woman, it would be another...same result. I didn't know that MM was back with his wife. When I found out he had, I did not contact him, and he stayed away from me as well, but when their marriage started turning downhill again, he turned to me.
You all can judge me all you want (it doesn't matter what you think anyway because only GOD can judge me), but this happens all the time nowdays. Rather than pointing fingers at TOW for the demise of the relationship, realize that marriages fail because they didn't work...possibly by lack of effort on one or both parties.
It's amazing how much an ow is willing to believe for the privilege of being some married man's piece on the side.
Wise up girl. The man is an accomplished LIAR. You want the prize? Call the wife and tell her whose dick you're sucking and give her some proof. You will find yourself under the bus quicker than you can whistle Dixie...OR... you will end up with the lying piece of garbage as your own. It would be a lot better than waiting around writing blogs about true love.
IF HE LOVED YOU YOU YOU, HE WOULD MOVE HEAVEN AND EARTH TO BE WITH YOU.
Why are ow so pathetic?
Hi "Phil", You should sit down and talk to the significant other, that person you made a promise to years ago. Ahhh adultery, it's so sinfully delicious isn't it? It never lasts, like a sweet desert, it passes and real life takes over it always does. I speak from experience Phil. If you wife doesn't get it, then break the contract your made with her and move on, but I can promise you Phil, the woman that makes you feel so good now, will make you feel like shit in a few years. Just give it time sweetie; your character flaws define the relationship. You both know you're cheating, liars under the guise of lovers stealing into the night for sweet comfort. Fun, sure, short lived, definitely and a complete lie…totally.
I am the wife who neglected her husband because the stresses of my life took over and ate me whole and while this happened, he was with you instead of me. He didn't reach out to me and help me like a good husband would for seeing his wife go through pain. I needed him, desired him, loved him with the depths of my being but I was being eaten alive with outside pressures. He wasn't there for me, couldn't handle the stress I was under, couldn't help me get through it and looked for someone like you. My husband was the selfish, conceited one but we are still together and I will fight with my dying breath for you not to take him from me. You will not win nor any other woman, the day he leaves me is the day he doesn't have someone like you waiting in the wings.
I cannot believe what I am reading...from both sides. Yet, I have been on them both. I did not know for over a year that I technically was the OW. When I did find out I was devestated and felt so much betrayal. He made all the right promises and vowed that the marriage was over and he wanted only me. I left and he did everything he could to make sure I knew that he was ending his marriage...or so I thought.Come to find out that he had been telling her the very same when SHE found out about me. She was devestated and had wanted so badly to believe in her husband and their marriage. I DO NOT BLAME HER AND I HOPE THAT SHE CAN SEE NOW THAT IT WAS NOT MY FAULT EITHER. HE IS THE LIAR, CHEATER, and LIFE SHATTERING MANIPULATER...She has since divorced him and I am in still trying to pick up the peices of a relationship that I truly believed was everything I could have ever wanted. I wonder everyday if he is still pulling his crap trying to get back with her and keep me at the same time divorce decree, marriage license does it really matter with some of the people who do this? I guess I will never trust the same ever again.
You all know what that feels like to be on one side or the other but if you were the one cheated on by your spouse or significant other no matter what there is a betrayal and I am not saying that their pain and tears aren't any more important than the other but isn't anger involved in all sides of an affair relevant here? But to slam each side like I am hearing in this Post it just is making me sick. I have had things that I wanted to say to her because of the vicious comments via email, phone calls, text messages to me but I have to remember that I dont know for sure what he had told her about me to begin with nor does she know what he has said to me about her. THE ONLY THING ANY OF US CAN DO IS WORK ON OURSELVES AND IF YOU ARE TRYING TO REBUILD YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MM OR SIG OTHER YOU HAVE TO DECIDE IF YOU CAN REBUILD WITH THEM AND YOURSELF NOT WORRY ABOUT DEFAMING THE OTHER PERSON! PUT THE BLAME WHERE IT BELONGS...ON THE CHEATER!!!
I am in the wife's situation now... all I have to say is that Kharma will bite you in the ass, you stupid bitch. Don't fool yourself, he'll NEVER leave me for you. Since we've had 22 years together and he hasn't left yet...guess what? Its not gonna happen. Yeah I know all about you...one day you'll see. BTW remember this, it ME he comes home to every night. Its ME and our family he spends holidays with... ha ha just wait...when you get too clingy and or demanding and you will...guess where he's coming....home to ME. HA!
pcook67 - he did leave. Read the later posts. Anonymous said he'd move heaven and earth to be with her if he loved her, and he did.
Just like mine did too.
Nobody wins here. This is not a win/lose game, it is people's lives. Spouses, children, in laws, friends. Trust broken and never to be recovered. Betrayal. When a man is married he should be off limits. To write a blog and boast about how well you know him shows you have very little grip on reality. This is sad and you should be ashamed, not proud.
See my blog on blogster my dirty rotten divorce. My husband married the other woman.
People like you have ruined my marriage. That is so wrong, how do you live with yourself? My boyfriend was seeing a woman behind my back and I thought we were happy. Little sluts like you need to find your own man.
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