The day all Other Women both dread and hope for. The Day of Reckoning, when logjams become unstuck and movement is suddenly possible. The day when decisions need to be taken - and lived with. Discovery Day.
For Other Women who're enjoying a stable, part-time liaison with a married man, D-Day usually sounds a death knell to their relationship. Few wives are prepared to tolerate an ongoing liaison with their knowledge; or at least, with their overt knowledge. Many are happy to "turn a blind eye", denying both to themselves and others, the possibility of their betrayal. But once the discovery is laid bare, and they can no longer ignore it, they're forced to take a stand, to scratch together some remnants of dignity, and then comes the ultimatum: it's her, or it's me! And, where the Other Woman wants nothing beyond a part-time liaison, the man has no choice. Either way he loses the Other Woman; but one way, he loses his wife, too. Few are prepared to face both losses simultaneously.
For the Other Woman who's hoping for something more, D-Day can bring relief - with the relationship out in the open, the man now has to choose, and the stalemate is subverted. Even if he chooses to stay in an unhappy marriage, for reasons of guilt, money or children, she knows where she stands and watching his sugared promises dissolve in tears or remorse frees her from false hope.
For the man, D-Day ends the tension of the dual life; the deception and duplicity, the secrecy and sneaking. D-Day allows him to emerge from the shadows as a full person, no longer two halves.
But D-Day comes at enormous cost, almost always. Wives pull every trick out of their manipulation books to recover something similar to self-respect - at the cost of the husband, and especially at the cost of The Other Woman. Where a wife is trying to salvage a doomed marriage - either because of children, or because she is incapable of survival on her own - she cannot demonise the husband too soundly without imperiling the logic of her choice - and must thus pin all blame on The Other Woman.
The husband, torn between loyalties, passions and ties, struggles to balance out the venom spewing from the mouth of the scorned wife and his own memories of The Other Woman, and the path he needs to take for his own survival.
Married Sex
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Married sex is supposed to be boring - vanilla, low frequency, hidden and
low key.
And when it's not?
It's an awkward subject. At our age, most couples h...
1 month ago
8 comments:
Serves him right if he finds himself old and alone one day. He is disrespectful to you and me.
This is the biggest peice of tripe I've read in a long time. On my Dday,my husband begged to stay and swore off the other woman for good. He stayed because I let him, not because I manipulated him. Get over yourself.
I can't believe he left. He left a marriage of 23 years for someone he'd known less than 5.
On D-Day I cried and begged him to stay. He said he was leaving, and he did. He tried to move back in a week later, but without promising to quit the other woman. Several months later, I divorced him. I got the house and full custody of our child. Two years later, he begged to move back home, the other woman wasn't all he thought she'd be. It was too late--I found the man of my dreams, better than my ex-husband in every way. He married the other woman, and they're both miserable, afraid the other will cheat. Two cheaters know what the other is capable of. What I thought was the worst day of my life turned out to be the first day of new life that turned out more wonderful than I ever expected. The pain, however, of betrayal was horrible, and the way I was demonized by the cheating couple was pathetic. They're lying in the bed they made and mine is covered in rose petals.
Ah, while this might be an apt analysis of a rather common scenario, there is yet another possibility: the betrayed wife could have a spiritual awakening -- an epiphany -- as to her own role in the marital discord and she could admit her wrongs to her husband, clean up her side of the street, and refuse to be controlled by her own baser instincts of raging at, or about, either her husband or the OW. She could pray for God's grace to help her carry herself with dignity and without rancor, asking God for the cleansing of sin and the healing of the marriage. If she is really spiritually fit, or desires to become so, she might pray for healing for the OW as well, because through praying for someone we resent, even despise, our own "venomous" feelings are lifted. Forgiveness, then, when granted through God's grace, turns out to be more of a gift for the forgivee than for the forgiven.
ROFLMAO
Mine left without a DDay. He just got tired of his hideous wife and dumped her. She tried every trick in the book to get him back but he wasn't interested.
We're blissfully happy now in our new family and she's alone and bitter, shrivelled in her hatred and not even the priest wants to visit her since she tried to grope him.
This is an old post but I had to comment. I never ever wanted a DDay. As the OW I had the best of him, she had the crap. I got the pent up frustration, the passion, the marathon sex since we never knew when we would see each other again. She got cooking dinner, washing his underwear, and carting his kids. She can keep it...I would rather be an OW than a wife any day.
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